Dear Threetoes,
I must confess that this is a subject that turns me bright red just to think about it. I need advice on well...interracial dating. My problem is that I can't help finding trolls attractive and being a petite elf you can see how some things could be well...hard to accomplish. I mean look at some of those tusks!
Plus there is the fact that when I say anything about it in public I get a bunch of ewwww...yuck, how could you and whatnot. I had someone return my affections at one point but I backed away in fear of being ridiculed and not really knowing how it would be possible to well be you know, be intimate.
Please keep an open mind and I hope you can help.
Signed
Thinks Trolls are sexy
Dear Thinks,
Huh, well I'll admit this is the first time I've had a letter of this nature. But let me see if I can break it down for you.
Troll tusks are actually just like elven teeth except two, sometimes four, of them are extended somtimes up, usually outward. The males of the species have much more to prove and so their tusks are larger and more prominant than the females. As you have already considered, this makes kissing quite an adventure. But fear not! Trolls do not have tusks "down there" and so coupling is quite safe. For some added security you might consider facing away from your beau and bending over an object, like a chair or bed.
I've even heard, though cannot confirm, that a Troll's tusks are actually a sensory tool, like a Narwhale's horn. Thousands of nerve endings, on the outside of the tusks, offers a lady such as yourself a unique way of stimulating her man, er troll! Don't be afraid to experiment with your love making, it's the only way you'll learn what you and your beau like.
As to the rest... haters are gonna hate. There's really not much you can do when someone doesn't share your particular brand of kink. There are plenty of ladies who don't like dwarven men with three toes, but I manage just fine. The trick is to remember that the only opinion that truly matters is yours, and to a lesser extent, your lover's. When someone poo-poos your preferences just smile and make a note not to share with that person again, at least not a topic they find so offensive.
Harmin "Threetoes" Wildhammer
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