Dear Threetoes,
I am in need of some advice on how to tell someone their advice and opinion is not wanted. I have this rather odd stalker. She claims all she wants to do is take me shopping and give me a makeover. To tell you the truth, it’s kind of creepy. She tries to braid my hair and insists I’d look better in a dress, preferrably a pink one. If I leave my hair down, she’ll sneak up on me, pull out a brush and try to ‘fix’ my hair. Forget going to the auction house! If she’s there, she’s trying to pick out clothes for me. My own mother was never this bad!
I’d like a way to politely tell her where to go with this makeover business, hopefully in a non-violent manner. I don’t think her husband would take too kindly to me doing it my way…which would involve my fist meeting her face repeatedly, hopefully while wearing my armor. While that would make me feel better momentarily, I’d rather avoid any nasty entanglements with her group.
Can you please help?
Pretty in Plate
(Yes, I’m a girl.)
Dear Pretty,
it sounds like you might have already tried the first line of defense which is setting a boundary and gently, but firmly, enforcing it. I gather you’re writing to me because you need to take it a step further without committing murder.
So here’s what you do… pick something you’re passionate about and turn it back on your stalker. Are you really into hunting and skinning animals? or have a collection of swords that Varian Wrynn would be jealous of? Use it! Next time your stalker tries to braid your hair and insists you’d look better in a dress turn around and squee and explain, “BLT* I know RIGHT?” Spin your “friend” around and prep HER hair for wear under a helmet. Take her sword arm and height measurements and clap with glee about all the blood and gore she will create with the weapon she simply MUST buy.
At first it might not have the desired effect you want, but stick with it. Eventually she will become as frustrated as you have become now and perhaps even write me a letter asking how to deal with you. Either way she’ll be trying to avoid you, this is when you step back and make a break for it.
Good luck!
Harmin “Threetoes” Wildhammer
*By the Light. All the teenagers are saying that these days.
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